Just Another Monday. But So Much Thoughts.

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            I don’t really know about today anymore. It’s kind of like mixed feelings and emotions. I’m sooo tired of having to do everything alone. I resent being a leader. I resent authority of any kind that I hold. I’d really rather be in the background and follow orders. It hurts, it truly does. Having to follow after everyone, asking them to do things and at the same time placing your trust in them  to do it. And if they don’t do it, what now? It’s my responsibility to catch that job and do it myself.

             Kapoy na(I'm tired). I’m still having mixed feelings over him, and I really don’t know what to do about it except wait. As they say, good things come to those who wait. I know I’ve done my part of the sorry and also leaving behind hints that I’m okay with it, but now it’s his turn to approach me.  Besides, eventually I’ll fully come to realize that I would need a guy who matches me, who insists in making things right as soon as possible, just like me. I need a guy who is just about as independent as I am, one who can be depended upon, and does immediately and exactly the things needed to be done. I’m quite shy myself, but it doesn’t prevent me from doing what I should(most of the time) and what I need to do.  My shyness does not prevent me from admitting my mistakes, and from admitting how I feel, no matter how silly or embarrassing it might sound.

            I’m still learning a lot of things. And if ever, it’s making me appreciate my friends more, and making me humble more. I know I’m not perfect, and I never will be. But I hoped he thought of me too before he decided not to talk to me anymore. Oh, boys. You are forever a mystery in a woman’s mind.

           Oh well, I really am learning a lot. How to deal and how to cope with it. I’ve done my part, and all I need to do right now is to lie low and bear the pain of waiting and rejection. I can’t expect things to be all right again when the time hasn’t come yet. Things will be alright. That time will surely come. And there’s nothing I can do except wait for it, hoping and bearing all the things that come with it. God’s time shall surely come.

            But again, if our paths have separated already, then I can no longer do anything about it. Then I’ll continue down my own path, yet again on the search. I’m not looking for anyone right now, because I may not be ready, but whoever comes, will come. I’ll find something so much better in my future. God has given me so much goodness, and surely there will be more coming if I continue to believe and trust in Him.

"Should our paths cross yet again, I sincerely hope it will not be marred by the simple mistake of the past, but of the beginning of a second chance at a better friendship."