Finding Yourself is Harder Than it Looks

If you ask me, I know I'm nowhere near truly being myself.

Looking at the whole picture, I've spent my entire life mostly living within acceptable limits of what others think is okay. I've stayed safe, never really going out of my comfort zone. 

I'm largely reserved, keeping a lot of things about me to myself.

I don't go after what I really want, because I feel that I might fail,then get bombarded with  'I told you sos'.

Sometimes the mirror of yourself if blurry,
sometimes crystal clear.

       And as one contemplates about this topic, its hard. It's really difficult being yourself nowadays of the suppression, impracticality of situations and boundaries people have often set for you. There are a lot of issues sometimes, and what have not been accepted in society before is now an idea being heavily fought for.

'I guess gay people have it so hard to be wholly accepted in mainstream society.'

      Sometimes you ask yourself a lot of questions, like how do we be ourselves and not disappoint others? How do we make people realize that we are different from what they think we are and convince them to support us in what we really want?
       I envy the people who know how to handle criticisms, and those who can be themselves even to one person. They're brave, and I am nowhere near a quarter of being able to deal with criticisms.
I'm realizing so many things right now. I want to learn how to be myself, and I still have a lot to cross in that journey to myself. But one thing's for sure, we have to know what's right for us in what we want to become.      
       Freedom of  expression? It's so damn misleading most of  the time. Promoting pornography is NOT freedom of expression. Masochism and sadism is a lot worse(ewww to both). Sometimes, people think that they want to be these things so much that they sometimes forget that it's not good for them in the long run. In the end, we aim to be strong people with a good heart, a person to look up to no matter what we become.

       It's just that a lot of people are so busy with their expectations of us, that we lose the choice to go for something else. And what hurts more is that we are often alone on the road we choose for ourselves, should we decide to follow what we really want.

Fear. It also plays the biggest part of it all. Quite a cliche.

Tips on Finding and Being Yourself[link]

       But one thing sure about all of this, is that finding yourself is a personal journey and discovery; no one else can tell who you are. And you have to find the people who are willing to accept you for who you are. They may not understand, but they don't need to. Not all people have the same experiences you do. All they need to do is love you for you. And perhaps the experiences they have are ones that they could share with you, and you in turn, will also love them for them. Everything is shouldn't be one-sided.


      I don't know exactly how I'll find myself. I think I'll start with finding the courage first, or start completing my own book first; it depends. I'll eventually get there, whether on my own or with lots of help.

       May you too, dear friend, find your own voice and true sense of self.
      Impulsive, careless or just plain crazy, life is definitely well-lived by being yourself. ^_^

Family

         Most families nowadays aren't really verbal with their expression of love for one another. Some only say it on birthdays, or on special occasions. But that doesn't mean they've stopped showing it.
Most, in all subtlety, show their love through daily gestures around their families.

         Beyond the everyday scoldings of our mothers, beyond the annoying siblings that take our things without permission, beyond the expectations that we need to fulfill, there exists the message of love that they convey to us in so many other ways.

My family. That's me at the very right.

And a lot of us have to learn to see it, because not all people realize the message of care and concern behind common family gestures.

         My mom, for instance, buys me special foods whenever she knows I'm sick. Even if its just the normal pain of a monthly thing, she goes out and brings me home one of my favorite eats. My mom and dad also prioritize me over everything they need to do. Even something as simple as getting hungry after church, my mom and dad would postpone stopping by somewhere just to get me home immediately to eat. I may have a habit of eating late everyday, but that doesn't stop my parents from getting me home at the next instant when I happened to get hungry. There are lots of other things, I know, and I love them for it.

Me and my pretty sister.

          I also go to Cebu often because of my sister. She pays for my tickets, and all other things during my stay. I get the feeling that it is because she misses the family. She can hardly go home because of the demands of work, so she lets us come here often, especially on holidays. I'm also currently in Cebu for the sembreak. I also missed my sister terribly.
           Most of the time I just go around the mall with the pocket money she gave me. Let me say that while some families just shower their kids with cash, my sister pays for me because I know she really wants me to enjoy myself. She wants me to have fun during my stay, especially during the times she has to go to work, leaving me strolling around Cebu by myself.

          While this generation may not commonly have verbal strings of 'I love yous' and 'I miss yous', it never means that the love in families has diminished.

          You'll never get to choose your family. So love them always.

          They do care, in ways most of us have yet to realize.